Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A Halloween Knitting Horror Story: Vitreous Humor

It was a dark and stormy night...I had lit a candle to knit by and was settling in to make myself a warm hat- having noted a chill in the air as autumn ushered in it's less hospitable sibling, winter. For the task, I had chosen a handspun yarn by Insubordiknit. It, like most of Jacey's yarns, is a twisted yarn incorporating a selection of her artfully made hand felted ornaments...in this case, eyeballs. It is named, Vitreous Humor, and if it makes you laugh, can be purchased HERE. The name and the yarn appealed because the medical Latin term for the gooey stuff inside an eyeball is vitreous humour and the eyeballs and yarn do bear a striking resemblance to real eyeballs with optic nerve and vascularization intact...appealing to my medical background.

So, getting back to my ghoulish story...it started out, as do so many ghastly horror stories, with a girl naively embarking on a solo nighttime project...unaware that forces greater than her lurked perilously close to the environment she previously perceived as...safe. I picked out my circular size 10 needles, paying no heed to the menacing howling of the wind outside my window. Cast on 35 stitches. Clickety-clack, snickety-snack. I placed a marker. clickety-clack. Needs abundant texture...and Gothic appeal...how about the TRINITY stitch for a round...clickety-clack, snickety-snack. I rounded a row of purls and then knit for 5...and began to notice a change...clickety-clack, snickety-snack. My ball of yarn was...STARING AT ME!! Clickety-clack, snickety-snack. At first I couldn't be sure, but with each passing round...purl 2 more rows and knit one, the ball of yarn grew smaller and smaller...and it's stare, at first pleading, became a GLARE!!! As I began my reduction rows (K6 K2tog x 5, knit a round, K5 K2tog x 5, knit a round..etc), it became apparent that my hat plans for this yarn were not the same plans in the ball of yarn's "head"...and he was growing increasingly resentful of the transformation. Clickety-clack, snickety-snack. He was, in his woolly mind, fully evolved as a ball of yarn...perfection in spinning...with no need for a project. With only two eyeballs left, he seized my needle. We struggled...his strands bulging with the effort as he neared the size 10 needle to my neck.

"I...will...not...be...conquered...by...this...project!!!!, I screamed reflexively...having screamed it so many times in my knitting past. At last my sheer will overcame his strength and I plunged my needles into the ball of yarn. I quickly unraveled his remains and looped him in and through the remaining 5 stitches of the hat. I looped and looped, and braided him until his boggy entrails looped out of the top like lava spewing from a volcano.
(here he is, coming at me...)

And so now, in peace, I sit...wearing my hat as I type. Happy Halloween...to ALL determined knitters...don't let those projects spook you!

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